sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize