We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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