Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
