you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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