i permit you to call me
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
