i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
