I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
