Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
