i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
