He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
