And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
