did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
