I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
