tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
