Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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