I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
