i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
