Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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