So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
