FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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