girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
