I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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