Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
