Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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