best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
