just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
