My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
