Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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