I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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