I'm sorry my penis didn't work
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
