I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
