So drunk its hurt
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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