you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
