remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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