Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
