I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
