the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
