I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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