everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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