When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize