After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
