just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
