when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
