Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
How does one acquire holy water?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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