Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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