I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
