yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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