In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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