where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
