awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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