Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
