Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
