The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Randomize
