Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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