My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
