Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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