if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
