haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
