DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
