Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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