Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
