I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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