I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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