So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just blew my weed a kiss
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
