I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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