just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
