you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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