I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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