it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
